She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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