"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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