Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
