she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
