Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
