I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
