So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
