so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
