I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
