just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
