Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
