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• (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche

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• (903): View more from Texas

  Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I find this completely acceptable.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird

  (269): View more from Michigan

  OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...

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• (925): View more from California

  Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  *jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!

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• (925): View more from California

  I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.

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