I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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