your thong is hanging out like whoa
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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