dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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