You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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