ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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