a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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