So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
