Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
