I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize