i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
