I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
