I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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