Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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