oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
This is classic penis vs brain.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
