swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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