I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
