i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
