Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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