She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
