ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
