girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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