I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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