Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
