It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
