We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dick very happy bro
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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