To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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