We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
