my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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