paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You need a sexual gate keeper
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
