she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
