yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
