My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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