Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
