I wish my penis had an off switch
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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