Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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