i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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