I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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