Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize