I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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