You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
