There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
