i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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