i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
