so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
