Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I forget how to act sober
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
