Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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