UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
