Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize