maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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