nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
