..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize