his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
