just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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