waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
