I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
