i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
