Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
