the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
