apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How drunk are you?
Completed.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
