Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
