So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
