I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you would pick up someone in the library
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
